How to Survive a Pub Crawl

Admit You’re Drunk We’ve heard it before; “I can handle my drink”, “I’m not even drunk”, “is there actually any vodka in this?” Well, ha-ha my friend, the joke’s on you as 10 minutes later you stumble into three tables and struggle to remember your own name. Then the jokes on us, as we team together to manoeuvre your inebriated self out the door, up the street and into the sweet comforting grasp of your suddenly welcoming hostel bunk. Now I’m not saying don’t drink, as a professional drunk that would be a very hypocritical thing to say. But what I am saying is don’t kid yourself, be drunk, be wild, and let your freak flag fly! Drunk people are the best; who else is going to pick a fight with a tree, tell half of KFC their deepest secrets or try to chew off their own shirt? Sure you might wake up the next morning with a heavy head and a heart full of regret but fear not buddy because I can assure you that you were bloody hilarious. So you embraced your drunkenness with open arms (and possibly open legs if you’re a naughty girl), so now it’s time to embrace your hangover with an open mouth…get up and get some pierogi and a shot of Zubrowka in you. Team Together Every group of friends has their own mummy. Someone who radiates responsibility, normally good with timekeeping/directions and often uses the phrase “you’ll need a jacket”. Not sure who it is? Well bad news, it’s you. “That’s not fair” you’re saying, well I hear you! Enough is enough, time to stand-up and denounce your duties. “But they’ll fall apart without me” you are a worrier aren’t you? Simply instruct them all to look after themselves. If they’re big enough and brave enough to knock back 10 beers at power hour then they can get themselves home…and when they can’t (that’s a when), well there’s not just you in your drunk but dependable dream-team to get the poor sod to bed. Best of all that works both ways. I’m talking about when you’re hitting on a debateable 2-3/10 and the crew intercept with a tray of shots, better known as a ‘distraction technique’. Once they’ve lowered your inhibitions a little more, if you’re still convinced that trainwreck is the one, you can make a group decision on whether to commit a CLS (Consequential Lowering of Standards). What you’re looking for is a group that rivals Taylor Swift’s squad, the wolfpack, or the Rugrats, and fortunately backpackers are commonly team-spirited like that so you should find them floating around in the hostel kitchen. Failing that, there’s us! We have warm puppy-dog hearts, and we take care of our guests even better than we take care of ourselves, so come along and we’ll take you under our slightly dishevelled wings! Pace Yourself “Unlimited”, “open bar”, “free shots”…they’re beautiful words aren’t they? Sometimes they sound like the backpacking angels have hitched a ride down from heaven just to soothe your ears, your stomach and your wallet. We like to give people biblical levels of gratitude here at Krawl through Krakow, which is exactly why we give everyone an unlimited open bar then free shots. “Thank you drinking Gods for blessing us so generously”…you’re welcome my child, but here’s some food for thought: It’s a marathon, not a sprint. The unlimited bar is open for one whole hour. That’s 60 full minutes of drinking anything you want, it can be pretty hard to comprehend after months of living on instant noodles and the cheapest/highest percentage wine you could find. That’s just the first bar, and we take you to 3 more…you asked for a pub crawl, and a pub crawl is what you’ll get! So don’t wipe out in that first hour for two very important reasons; 1) you won’t see all of Krakow’s amazing nightlife and 2) We’ll laugh at you. Have an Exit Strategy No I don’t mean in case it’s awful, because it’s an unlimited bar and a tonne of awesome new friends to enjoy it with so it couldn’t possibly be anything but amazing. I mean for when you’ve ducked your head outside and realised the sun’s coming out and your train departs in 2 hours, you’ve looked around and Sarah’s making out with a local, Jen and Luke have gone to get a kebab and Robs “just having a quick nap” on the roadside…Right, you’re screwed. This is why before you left your hostel you should’ve had a quick once over of the map and stuck a piece of paper with the address in your wallet. Fortunately for all us drunken fools Krakow is a relatively small city, so it’s easy to carelessly stumble home in the early hours, as long as you know where you’re going. If you don’t, just pull out that address I mentioned and show it to a taxi driver and cruise home like the total baller you are. Join In It’s an obvious one, less of a survival technique and more of a strong suggestion. A pub crawl is an amazing opportunity to see a new side to a city, have a good time, make friends, get drunk, embarrass yourself, and potentially wake up next to a Spanish girl you may or may not have had sex with….and isn’t that the reason we travel? You want to have fun, We want you to have fun, even your Nan wants you to have fun…so show up, have some beers, have some shots, dance a little, have some more shots, meet new people, have some more beers, then stagger home with a nice warm Zapiekanka. Perfect.